Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
