she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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