The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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