You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
