he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When are your genitals available?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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