the new term for farting is butt boxing.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
