exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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