it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
