I'll bet she douches with gravy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
