This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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