then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
