I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
