White coat. Heels.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
