mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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