I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
