none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
