Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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