dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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