You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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