On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
