i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
