OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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