what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
