My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
