But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
