so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
