he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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