How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
