Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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