I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
