Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
