You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
