She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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