I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
