I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
