he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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