He is an equal opportunity slut.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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