If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
