Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
