Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
