toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
