My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
