you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
