Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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