i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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