I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
