watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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