used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
