I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
