She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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