Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize