The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
