Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
