Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
