these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
