I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize