i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
