my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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