I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
