Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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