You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My bed smells like the plague
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
