I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
