dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize