What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
