I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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