you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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