Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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