grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
