Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
