and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
