I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We left the knife in your bed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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