I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
