Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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