Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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