Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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